the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
