dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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