non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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