I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
