God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
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Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
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How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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