you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
