if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
foreskin is a definite game changer
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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