Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
why do cheetos always look like penises
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
