Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
