You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
