Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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