a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
