Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
