you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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