my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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