IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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