Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize