On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize