Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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