Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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