After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
