im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So much Jack, so little girl.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
