I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
