took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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