adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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