I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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