dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
