just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
