tell your sister to shave her snatch
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize