I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize