Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
