Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
