this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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