im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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