Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
