her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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