just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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