Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
