so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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