new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
