Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
