You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
