I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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