its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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