How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
