I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I puked a lego.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
