KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
