she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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