Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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