hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just googled if crying burns calories
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
