This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
