I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
