dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
