while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
