The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
