I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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