Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
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I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
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Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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