If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
