two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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