Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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