I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
