Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
