community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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