and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
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that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
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And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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