My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
whose parrot is this?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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