But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
