Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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