I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
