We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The adults are the big ones right?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
